Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Leaving With Love: Honest to Goodness, In That Order

The separation continues, and we each feel wiser, more able to be real, happier! in the process.
Both of us hope that no one, family nor friends, looks for trouble, invents blame, feels bitterness, where we find none. 
Perhaps some days I appear too enthusiastic.....I am trying to show my strong feeling that this is for the best in the long run--believe me, I have had my share of tears, but do not choose to make them my focus.  Don is saddened to admit it hasn't worked for us (as am I, believe it) but we both, both agree we are so much happier now that the decision has been made. 
Just love, NO BAGGAGE. 
We had such a hugely great time in New Mexico this past week, christening our new life as dear friends, by exploring Chaco Canyon and the Apache Bosque, the 'forest' wildlife refuge, by the Rio Grande River!-- together... We talked more than we have ever talked, laughed more than we have laughed since we courted......that says a lot right there.  We plan many more such travels.  I have my best friend back.
In my heart, and what I feel from him--we are happier, no troubling guilt or frustrations, and that the love we have always felt will and IS growing stronger. 
Honest to Goodness.  In that order.
In my family, there are other strong examples of happiness after divorce.  My brother is good friends with his ex wife, and his present wife is very good friends with her as well.  There is no threat, each sees the truth, unclouded by false anxiety or insecurity.  Don and I hope and plan for this eventuality.  I would not want to be with anyone who felt threatened by my friendship with Don, and he states the same.  I want him to be deeply happy, to have that chance, that I could not complete for him.  His happiness is still, to a great degree, my happiness, and I don't see this ever changing.  We aim to prove it, as my brother has done, so cleanly, so honestly.  Don and I are proud of our intentions, proud of our dogged refusal to regress to blame or bitterness, in this time of great shifts and difficulty, and proud of our growing success on the trail towards our hearts' focus of keeping Love.  We refuse to let that go for anything less. 
It is my deepest conviction is that we have just succeeded in saving our genuine love, by shaving away what hasn't worked for either of us, shaking off what  threatened to hide all the truth that was more important.  We choose Love, even if that means giving up marriage.  I now completely 'get' "letting go in order to keep" something.
For me, as well as for Don, this has been the test of a life, a measure of what we are truly made of. 
We pass, at the top of the class.  Our prize is our improved relationship: more authentic, happier by far, and looking forward to the times we will continue to share, together, laughing, growing, exploring this stunning world.