An Always Love

 

On route to those far southwest red hills

They remind me so of you, of your body, hot and

Drenched in that quick morning rain, steaming, your slow grin

Awakens over that curve of stone

 

My memory of Us asks me to sit

So I sit and what settles

Is the river flowing below in the red gorge

Rife with life

Hozoji Geese

geese honk overhead

the sky a Mass of music....

then the mist takes them

I stand stunned, can't move

a tear slides over my smile

Beauty unbounded

Lift this man off of me, straight up and gone

Take him out of my mind

Pull him from the inside of me

Remove him, he’s Yours, I see now, though it was You who got us that Ring, and the full circle

But his love, only for himself, what did you expect of me, are You male too

His sweetest of weight, smashing me now, at what split moment did it change from bliss to fire

Lift him up, and soon, do not allow this taking, now rape

Your daughter did her inadequate best, love me now

Eradicate him from me, this She begs You

She cannot breathe but feels his Tantra breath push in

The One comes in, the One goes out

Lift him, take him, remove him from my lungs, my dreams

Do not charge me with his care another endless night, he who breathes fire for the schism

Take him, wash him in the blood of the lamb, that ancient medicine,

An eye for an eye, a lamb for a lamb

Make of him a whole man if ever he was, this tragic, beautiful, shattered son

Hear my prayer, hear my prayer

Lest we both be lost, and life itself concludes

The children I would bear for him, for You

Be never named, be never loved, be never.

Take him off of me!!  Take his desire to rest in Your own!!

I cannot bear it any longer, the fire shared for mercy

I gave him my best, for You

Will You arrest him, and me, dead or alive??!

I was going to carry it

Did, and well, and do, while gone

The anger truly dissipated in understanding, knowledge

Only caring remains in the hobo’s hoist

Except this yearning for your extraordinary company

And even that I carry well, usually

When I do not do it well

That looks like Geese, overhead, trying to find their V

Honking in the greater cacophonous sky

But still moving forward to their promised landing

Knowledge.  Care.  Following Trust

And we’re there.

Black and White

You are like the Devil

How many names does that one have

Calculating     Charismatic     Cruel

Made up of only what he desires

I’ve been crazed in love with you devil man

But I’ll not be in league with you again, I see

Coyote gone mad

Chasing your own tail

Tragic, beautiful life

Coyote was a pup once, I saw him then

Silky wiggly sweet, constant kisses from that little wild tongue

Ah the dear prankster, clever beyond a pup’s years,

The element of surprise his cunning

Eyes that held a more mature mystery, hard to look in them, yellow, and way out there

But when this pup would kiss my face then scamper away

Who cared, or took heed from those eyes

So dear was he.

I cried harder than I’ve ever cried the week after I met you again, years later

Full grown, and completely stunning, brilliant genius

Realizing I was going to die with this love, with somebody like you in your black and whites

I sobbed uncontrollably, unable to walk away then

Wrote more than I’ve ever written, the good stuff

Yes, I was a lost soul there for a bit; the crazed artist, alongside you

Interesting to note though

I haven’t cried much since you embraced me firmly for the tossing

I didn’t know how far you’d hurled me till I was bashed

You bought me the ring of our hopes, full circle

Whispered your deepest prayer in my ear, that dark, amazing night

And the very next day you put on lovely music, special, just for me

And as you walked out the door, waving jauntily

“Send me your love” you said

“Do not write, do not call, you laughed

I could not breathe

Now I know where all your art went.

All your enchanted women…

But I have your wild Indian, on his journey

And I’m keeping it close with my prayer

I do send my love, my eyes are dry, but old now.

The other words I have for you are temporary, so unspoken

For it’s true—I do love you more than what I want from you

That meant “nothing” to your calloused broken heart

What happened to you growing up, when did the suffering begin?

Marry the next sweet pup, Old Coyote

But just cut her throat when you’re finished with her

Be kind.

The Dance

The spin has begun, the churn

Always to the left, undoing, receiving

The lilt of a hand, tenderness, the touch of a toe

Thanks for connection

Staying current in the Continuum, focus, no focus

Intertwining circles of life, over and over

Falsehoods fly away in formation

The spray waters other worlds

Then stop.  Hands cut the sacred air with sudden, deliberate motion: Four Directions, Six, One

The center point of Center, balance is perfect.

Eyes, still muscling the spin, haywire.  What

Keeps us towing the line?  Certainty

The Heart knows.  The feet

Finding ground, planted.

The body between

Giggles.

The Last Play

Forgive my attraction to Your man

How can I find resistance—there is no footfall for reverse

I am not the one who directs the strings

For is it not Your Dream?   Your Name

Remains on my lips as I shudder my acquiescence

My eyelids slowly rise with the curtain

My heart thuds, right here, right here

Affirming my powerlessness as Your character

A bit part I was told, but really, are there any in You?

You are the Writer, and the Audience

The welcoming applause, answering my fervent sweat for comfort

The Yes of affirmation:  “Fear not, for I am with you!”,  You mouth the silent words

I’ll speak the lines then that I am given, have memorized, no prompting needed

And know it’s up to me to find the resonance that conjures faith

Then stride with confidence, deliberation,  from stage right to stage left,  my costume perfect

Pausing aglow at the front to join the male in this story, my love

I cannot change the lines, the choreography

I’m no longer fitful with false pretense of authorship

But I did pass the audition

So feats, carry me well, keep my head high, bright in the Light

I am Your earnest actress, and only then, the partner for Your actor, leading

The curtain fall will find us: Yours, bowing before You

The unison of that motion, the timing

Yet to be seen.