You call me ‘Warrior Woman’ and then tell me I cannot use the word ‘battle’

Blasted romantic

Kiss my eyes, then take that leave you so desperately want

Shall we call our pain beautiful, like birth

Sure, if it makes you feel better about my BATTLE cries

The Big Bugaboo, Sex, your adversary?  You say you adore me, you make love like a God

Then you pull away, and leave me hung out to dry before I knew you were even gone

You say I cannot live closer to your town, then you say let’s make a baby

I say I’m afraid to fall, you say you think we are both falling

You say I’m the purest, that I am only Love, so I lean in to kiss your higher heart

And your body disappears

You say you will meet me out over the ocean

then you will not say anything

You take my breath away then you suggest I breathe

You wonder why and how I could be so upset

That’s what mirrors are for you know, look closer, I’m there too, right behind you, shining

Open your eyes you are being selfish and calling it God

True

I love that he values a single zip-lock baggie.

I love that when he asks me to dance, he says

“Now.  Look at me as if you have the deepest respect and love for me.”

As if?

Then he says “Have good posture!”  Check.

He’s the only man on the planet who can tell me

What to do, not do, and I respect it regardless of content, though

Discussion is always available, no matter the topic.

He wins every debate, except the one about Hell.  It simply isn’t.  We are given a Conscience

For that sway.  Works for me. 

I love that I won’t get lost in this relationship, ever. 

That we only see the good as Good and the bad as Good.  Growth happens that way.

I love that he keeps God closer than anyone I ever met, in every minute.  Remembering.

Back to the baggie: I love that it doesn’t matter what I put in it

He’ll love it.

Love Change

Now evening, the breezes waft in, carrying the smells of a quiet evening, freshly mown grass, and the trees' silent but energetic, joining approval.  Cows bellow in the cool.  These beauties came to me today for the first time, when I shut off the mower for a moment.  They trundled up, Bossy first, then a couple of yearling bulls, and three fresh little clean little shiny little adorable calves.  In my conversation with them all--their brown eyes were so attentive--we talked over the tastiness of the long grasses I doled out to each......Bossy wanted it all so I had to spread it around some.  I finish mowing my hard-won lawn........it's all up to me now. 

Love that.  I can stop anytime and dance till I'm breathless.  Music feeds me, especially when combined with movement.  Sometimes I cry, it's all deeply, powerfully beautiful.  Who needs food when there is music and dance??

A little wine, resting in the air of the setting sun.  A friend to joke and share the deeper stuff with.......Bless you, World.  Bless us all, every one.  The peace in my heart exceeds anything I have ever felt. 

Animal Assists

The other day I decided to do a led-meditation, which when it works is really a deep hypnosis, regarding power animals.  Generally speaking, I don't get much from this sort of meditation, so I was pretty surprised at the results this time.

In the meditation, I found myself wanting to stay in the meadow, under the warm sun as described by the leader...but it wasn't to be.  Suddenly I was sitting next to a small river, on a grassy bank in the mottled sun and shade.  Much to my honest surprise, out of the water slipped a little river otter!  He came up to me, sniffed my face, and I could feel his whiskers and sniffling breath as he did so.  Good Lord!   This was so real!  Before he slithered back into the river, he gave me a river stone, as a symbolic gift.  When I held this to my heart, I felt an instantaneous sense of belonging to the Whole Flow, and a grounding based in Love.  Later the next day, I found out from a friend that an otter will often keep a stone under his arm while swimming around, and using it as a tool to crack open the shells of whatever he finds for food.    I think this tool will be very handy, if I keep my eyes open for the things that feed me...

Then yesterday I decided to ask a friend if she wanted to do the meditation and see what cropped up.  When it was over, I was again surprised by the result.  I was inclined to sit under a large tree in the deep forest....and a wolf walked up to me, sat down, then stood again, looking right at me.  When I asked my question, which had to do with a new fork in my earth-world path, the wolf acted like he wanted me to follow him, so follow I did.  He took me to his den, where there were several squirming wolf-pups, and his mate, lying there panting.  The message here was clear: One of my choices was to take on the responsibility of settling down and taking on new responsibility.  I felt myself cringe inside....but Wolf wasn't done.  He trotted on, and I followed him to the high edge of a canyon ridge-top, and we gazed down into a very deep canyon that was brimming with mystery, mists floating among the many possibilities that a large canyon can contain--all the color, wildness, life itself--free--and promising the experiences of a lifetime.  Freedom to explore new lands, new arenas in my life!

We returned to the tall tree in the deep forest.  Wolf also had a gift: a small green sprig of Pine tree, fresh and fragrant.  When I held it to my heart to feel the message, I got a strong sensation: NEW LIFE!!   

Then Wolf took off, glancing back at me repeatedly, teasing, wanting to play.......

message for Marge

Marge, I can't get in to your blog, for ages now, I am blocked, but know this is not personal, and I DO follow it, but this doesn't seem to be the link I need to get in  Can this change?  My email is szorrolt@hotmail.com .  Write when you can.
Sarah

It's Out There, Coming In

Now I'm looking.  Love is out there, and I am going to imagine it into my life.  Thought creates matter, not the other way around. 

I'm feeling what it would be like to be in the company of a man who enjoys being with me, often.  Someone who likes to talk, and listen, hear.  Someone who gives an opinion on things, whether or not it's what I want to hear.  ESPECIALLY if it's not what I want to hear.  This is how I try new ideas on, and grow.  This man will love hiking, driving, camping, seeing the country......and of course, kayaking.  Travel outside the country would be good, but this is expensive, and my love does not need to have alot of money.

He does need to have a compassionate heart, excellent sense of humor and wit, and a willingness to try on criticism, wherever it comes from.  Also confident, with enough self knowledge to know when it doesn't fit....and when it does. 

My eyes are open, and I am in no big hurry.  I like my independence, and plan to keep it. 

I can sure feel his presence.....

Leaving With Love: Honest to Goodness, In That Order

The separation continues, and we each feel wiser, more able to be real, happier! in the process.

Both of us hope that no one, family nor friends, looks for trouble, invents blame, feels bitterness, where we find none. 

Perhaps some days I appear too enthusiastic.....I am trying to show my strong feeling that this is for the best in the long run--believe me, I have had my share of tears, but do not choose to make them my focus.  Don is saddened to admit it hasn't worked for us (as am I, believe it) but we both, both agree we are so much happier now that the decision has been made. 

Just love, NO BAGGAGE. 

We had such a hugely great time in New Mexico this past week, christening our new life as dear friends, by exploring Chaco Canyon and the Apache Bosque, the 'forest' wildlife refuge, by the Rio Grande River!-- together... We talked more than we have ever talked, laughed more than we have laughed since we courted......that says a lot right there.  We plan many more such travels.  I have my best friend back.

In my heart, and what I feel from him--we are happier, no troubling guilt or frustrations, and that the love we have always felt will and IS growing stronger. 

Honest to Goodness.  In that order.

In my family, there are other strong examples of happiness after divorce.  My brother is good friends with his ex wife, and his present wife is very good friends with her as well.  There is no threat, each sees the truth, unclouded by false anxiety or insecurity.  Don and I hope and plan for this eventuality.  I would not want to be with anyone who felt threatened by my friendship with Don, and he states the same.  I want him to be deeply happy, to have that chance, that I could not complete for him.  His happiness is still, to a great degree, my happiness, and I don't see this ever changing.  We aim to prove it, as my brother has done, so cleanly, so honestly.  Don and I are proud of our intentions, proud of our dogged refusal to regress to blame or bitterness, in this time of great shifts and difficulty, and proud of our growing success on the trail towards our hearts' focus of keeping Love.  We refuse to let that go for anything less. 

It is my deepest conviction is that we have just succeeded in saving our genuine love, by shaving away what hasn't worked for either of us, shaking off what  threatened to hide all the truth that was more important.  We choose Love, even if that means giving up marriage.  I now completely 'get' "letting go in order to keep" something.

For me, as well as for Don, this has been the test of a life, a measure of what we are truly made of. 

We pass, at the top of the class.  Our prize is our improved relationship: more authentic, happier by far, and looking forward to the times we will continue to share, together, laughing, growing, exploring this stunning world.