The baby came in about two and a half months ago. He's a man-child, a new grandson. When I am with him, I get flashes of my grandfather William and my father, Jack. I asked him one day if we knew each other....if he was perhaps my grandfather. He threw his head back, wide open baby mouth, and laughed a man's laugh. When his head came back 'round, he was a baby again, sweet, gurgley, fat, pure.....
It's evening now. This day was spent in his company, all day, 11 hours.....what a deep joy and deeper question it is to be with him, Gavin, 'Alert Hawk'. When my daughter, his mother, came home, we shared some wine, and she mentioned a recurring dream she has had about this baby-man. In the dream, he is an old man; he sleeps in a bed next to hers, and she cares for him, feeds him old man food, like baby food. She loves him deeply, this old man. When she awakens, her baby boy is sleeping close to her. He coos in his slumber, gone to the world. When he awakens, she remembers her dream, remembers the old man whom she loved and cared for. She wonders about agelessness, about this relationship, soul to soul.
When I am with him, I feel we are equals, he is just stuck in this infantile body. He wants to get his legs under him and start working, start running, telling me the jokes he has saved from the time he was the old man, burst his lore out onto this plane with all the power of the rising Sun, and when he does, I will listen like I've never listened to any human before. This mystery of a man, this roly baby with the River running in his direct gaze, sun dancing on the ripples of his laugh....
It's evening now. This day was spent in his company, all day, 11 hours.....what a deep joy and deeper question it is to be with him, Gavin, 'Alert Hawk'. When my daughter, his mother, came home, we shared some wine, and she mentioned a recurring dream she has had about this baby-man. In the dream, he is an old man; he sleeps in a bed next to hers, and she cares for him, feeds him old man food, like baby food. She loves him deeply, this old man. When she awakens, her baby boy is sleeping close to her. He coos in his slumber, gone to the world. When he awakens, she remembers her dream, remembers the old man whom she loved and cared for. She wonders about agelessness, about this relationship, soul to soul.
When I am with him, I feel we are equals, he is just stuck in this infantile body. He wants to get his legs under him and start working, start running, telling me the jokes he has saved from the time he was the old man, burst his lore out onto this plane with all the power of the rising Sun, and when he does, I will listen like I've never listened to any human before. This mystery of a man, this roly baby with the River running in his direct gaze, sun dancing on the ripples of his laugh....
I love reading the lyrical poetry of your writing. Hope all is well with you and yours,
ReplyDeleteJ.
How is your newborn young man doing?
ReplyDeleteBe well,
J.
Having raised three sons, I find your essay makes me wish for the return of those days when they were roly babies, too. Do you ever look into Gavin's eyes today and wonder what's going on in his mind?
ReplyDeleteI've heard that up until a certain age small children may remember details of a past life "when they were big", that unti that age they aren't capable of elaborate fabrication.
Sadly, I've never had the opportunity to discover if that is true or not--my sons were already grown and past that time of awareness.
Perhaps you will be more lucky; if you are, I hope you'll share what Gavin has to say.
Sending positive vibes and lots of hugs from Iowa!
Jorge--didn't see this comment till today. Gavin is doing so well--he's a chunker at 17 pounds. He tries to talk all the time--LONG sentences, full of meaning. Beseaching eyes while he does this. Then the huge, room-swallowing grin!
ReplyDeleteMarge--just saw your comments here today. I have asked Gavin if he is perhaps a relation, and he invariably grins hugely. I showed him a picture of my Grandfather who he greatly resembles--he grinned widely at the photo! This at three months, he is now four. I also believe babies can remember more about their 'between' life than even young children can. This boy is a very deep river, but looks alot like Charlie Brown!