I was going to carry it

Did, and well, and do, while gone

The anger truly dissipated in understanding, knowledge

Only caring remains in the hobo’s hoist

Except this yearning for your extraordinary company

And even that I carry well, usually

When I do not do it well

That looks like Geese, overhead, trying to find their V

Honking in the greater cacophonous sky

But still moving forward to their promised landing

Knowledge.  Care.  Following Trust

And we’re there.

Black and White

You are like the Devil

How many names does that one have

Calculating     Charismatic     Cruel

Made up of only what he desires

I’ve been crazed in love with you devil man

But I’ll not be in league with you again, I see

Coyote gone mad

Chasing your own tail

Tragic, beautiful life

Coyote was a pup once, I saw him then

Silky wiggly sweet, constant kisses from that little wild tongue

Ah the dear prankster, clever beyond a pup’s years,

The element of surprise his cunning

Eyes that held a more mature mystery, hard to look in them, yellow, and way out there

But when this pup would kiss my face then scamper away

Who cared, or took heed from those eyes

So dear was he.

I cried harder than I’ve ever cried the week after I met you again, years later

Full grown, and completely stunning, brilliant genius

Realizing I was going to die with this love, with somebody like you in your black and whites

I sobbed uncontrollably, unable to walk away then

Wrote more than I’ve ever written, the good stuff

Yes, I was a lost soul there for a bit; the crazed artist, alongside you

Interesting to note though

I haven’t cried much since you embraced me firmly for the tossing

I didn’t know how far you’d hurled me till I was bashed

You bought me the ring of our hopes, full circle

Whispered your deepest prayer in my ear, that dark, amazing night

And the very next day you put on lovely music, special, just for me

And as you walked out the door, waving jauntily

“Send me your love” you said

“Do not write, do not call, you laughed

I could not breathe

Now I know where all your art went.

All your enchanted women…

But I have your wild Indian, on his journey

And I’m keeping it close with my prayer

I do send my love, my eyes are dry, but old now.

The other words I have for you are temporary, so unspoken

For it’s true—I do love you more than what I want from you

That meant “nothing” to your calloused broken heart

What happened to you growing up, when did the suffering begin?

Marry the next sweet pup, Old Coyote

But just cut her throat when you’re finished with her

Be kind.

The Dance

The spin has begun, the churn

Always to the left, undoing, receiving

The lilt of a hand, tenderness, the touch of a toe

Thanks for connection

Staying current in the Continuum, focus, no focus

Intertwining circles of life, over and over

Falsehoods fly away in formation

The spray waters other worlds

Then stop.  Hands cut the sacred air with sudden, deliberate motion: Four Directions, Six, One

The center point of Center, balance is perfect.

Eyes, still muscling the spin, haywire.  What

Keeps us towing the line?  Certainty

The Heart knows.  The feet

Finding ground, planted.

The body between

Giggles.

The Last Play

Forgive my attraction to Your man

How can I find resistance—there is no footfall for reverse

I am not the one who directs the strings

For is it not Your Dream?   Your Name

Remains on my lips as I shudder my acquiescence

My eyelids slowly rise with the curtain

My heart thuds, right here, right here

Affirming my powerlessness as Your character

A bit part I was told, but really, are there any in You?

You are the Writer, and the Audience

The welcoming applause, answering my fervent sweat for comfort

The Yes of affirmation:  “Fear not, for I am with you!”,  You mouth the silent words

I’ll speak the lines then that I am given, have memorized, no prompting needed

And know it’s up to me to find the resonance that conjures faith

Then stride with confidence, deliberation,  from stage right to stage left,  my costume perfect

Pausing aglow at the front to join the male in this story, my love

I cannot change the lines, the choreography

I’m no longer fitful with false pretense of authorship

But I did pass the audition

So feats, carry me well, keep my head high, bright in the Light

I am Your earnest actress, and only then, the partner for Your actor, leading

The curtain fall will find us: Yours, bowing before You

The unison of that motion, the timing

Yet to be seen.

Hell or Not So Much or The Only Debate, Ever,  my Husband Will Not Win or No Fear

Burn forever?  Excuse  me?  God wants this for me if I just

Fall?  Far less evolved parents cheer the child who falls and then gets back up

It’s the getting up, of course.  So important.  But there’s a hug for the fall!

This Parent provided so many ways to fall, He totally gets it, wants us to practice, constantly

Getting up, in all the ways.   Yay!!

He is the best of Love, to send us off to His school every day, and watch.

He installed a glowing little freebie called Conscience, and another,

 (this one shines, and marches!) called Free Will.  He wants us to think, deduce!

Grow, not shrink away, discouraged

To learn by choice, not by fear.  This is the sweetest, strongest learning,

When His child chooses correctly, of his own given clarity. 

Father!  I love Your Voice’s ring!  Love that You’ll

Call in anytime here, night or day—that phone is the sweetest color, no one else has the number.

 My gut

Feels at ease, instantly, when that phone vibrates.  No fear.

Just getting back up.  The hug.

Feel the Compassion.  Hmmmmmmm…….

Married at a Distance

You asked, after all.

So now being brave

Is about moving in Spirit connection

while living far apart.  I can do this.

I’ll will it.  Keeping my heart bright

In the absence of your light however

Is the Will of God.

How many devoted wives have done this?

Lived in this remote wilderness of spiritual unclaimed territory

A lot I bought, on earth, here,

Rife with the wild pungent forest, unnamable creatures lurking

The timeless sway of grasses, like honeyed thoughts of you

Here, the days filled with the sound of a chuckling stream,

The glint of sun-spangle on the ripples:  these also, memories.

At night, the moon, just a sliver of distant joy alight, the stars too

So far aloft

But winking at me like the eyes of angels,

Grinning in the clean dark cold.

I have blankets for sleep on this silent, humming acreage

The wooly colors vibrant, soothing in their itch: I can tell by their scratch

I am still alive with this love.

My lone lungs feel your breath fill them, right now, and in my subsequent exhale

Is the knowledge of your acceptance, right here at our lips

You, taking in my air, the lively peace of Trust, your way of love.

The Balance

this day

started out with a dawn like

any other only

the sun rose more slowly, reticent,

hesitant colors, not sure if this was the right world or not

i fell out of bed

when these colors peeked in my looking glass

but i welcomed them into this world

right or wrong

and stood upright

grumbling, but glad for the food of colors

i found my way through this morning almost

remembering how to get past each rock and canyon

and that ominous dark doorway

where the colors seem to slip from this world

and in whose arch and depth i spin and howl

every time, eyes white with fear

and in whose whirlpool I drown

juggling my terror and hope like

grenades and kittens